Class went well and totally kicked my ass (in the best possible way). I loved it and look forward to going again next week. 🙂

And I’m very glad that I ended up starting with the class at the community center instead of at the Dojo, as I’m pretty sure that class would have actually killed me. I’ll give one a shot later this month and see how it goes.

However, I think my original plan was a little ambitious. If I’m hurting tomorrow I will allow myself to take a rest day, and do my run on Thursday. We’ll see how I feel. 🙂

I’m exhausted, though, for sure, and will be headed to bed very shortly after Loser Tuesday wraps up.

Getting ready to head out for Kick & Strength.

Nervious-I’m going alone, I’m unfamiliar with the rec center, and I haven’t taken a group class in years. But I’m also wicked excited.

Tell you all about it when I get home.

PS-The new Jillian Michaels podcast is out and it’s AWESOME!

Forgive the flash in my face, but the wave of insecurity that hit over the weekend is gone as I realize that I can do belts again. Not like my pants are falling down without them, but they fit a little better with them. And I love being able to tuck just the front of a shirt in so you can see the belt buckle. Off to a good start. 🙂

For the first time in my life I can actually imagine myself at my goal weight. I have never in my life been able to see a number so clearly, or to picture the events leading up to it, the actions that result because of it and the things I need to do to get there.

I’ve always had a hard time just trying to come up with a number. I’ve always thought I’d ‘see how I felt when I got there.’ But I have a number now.

I don’t like time deadlines with weight loss, but (one of) my best friend(s) is getting married in August and it is not inconceivable for me to reach my goal by then. So that’s what I’m shooting for. It works out to just under 8 pounds a month and just under 2 pounds a week until the wedding. Not perfect, not necessarily even likely, but certainly not impossible. If I don’t make it, that’s okay, but I like the idea of the challenge.

It feels…real. It feels like I can WILL do it.

[sometime soon I’ll start sharing numbers with you, I promise. I’m just not there yet.]

unintended snow day.

After spending a half an hour cleaning off my car with my neighbor I got to the end of the block and couldn’t keep my windshield clear. So I called my boss and said “sorry.” Which he was cool with.

So…no run for me today. (Though whilst my neighbor and I were working on my car I saw a runner go by and thought ‘what a badass!’ I am definitely not that hardcore.)

That’s okay as there is much housework to be done. Guess I’ll just be doing a double dose of cardio tomorrow (2 miles AND Kick & strength class!)

Training Plan 3/7-3/13

Monday 3/7: 2 miles easy, 100/200 workouts, abs

Tuesday 3/8: Kick & Strength class

Wednesday 3/9: 5 miles (tempo), 100/200 workouts, abs

Thursday 3/10: Zumba!

Friday 3/11: 100/200 workouts, abs

Saturday 3/12: 7 miles (long run)

Sunday 3/13: REST

[100/200 workouts = daily workout for 100 pushups & 200 sit-ups challenges]

Having a rough time. This tends to happen to me when I’m losing weight–I hit a point where people start noticing and I start noticing and that’s when I start to get self-conscious and negative about myself.

I’m not typically negative about or toward myself. I stopped that years ago–it isn’t helpful, it isn’t productive, so I stopped. I had enough of that self-hatred when I was a teenager. I’m done with that. I don’t insult myself as a general rule, not even in my head–I’ll stop any negativity because it just doesn’t help anything. But for the past few days–even as I’m running for an hour and a half, even as I’m having to ask for a smaller size at the dress shop, even as coworkers are telling me I look thinner–I can’t seem to stop the voices in my head saying ‘yeah right.’ I don’t verbalize it because I don’t like playing into that game with people, I try very hard not to take the bait when others start those conversations. But in my own head I’m responding ‘not enough’ when someone comments on my weight loss. I feel much more self-conscious now than I did when I was bigger. And it frustrates me because I’m better than this.

It’s like I wrote the other day about realizing and accepting that I am a runner. I’m still hesitant to talk about it with people who I know run, or people I know are athletes. I’m still scared of getting that look. Maybe it’s because I don’t see how much I’ve lost (except in small ways) but rather how far I have to go. And I don’t want to be that girl who doesn’t talk about anything but her weight, diet & exercise. Which is why I started this Tumblr…so I’d have a place to talk about it without boring the rest of the people in my life to tears.

The only thing I can do is continue on. Channel this negativity into my workouts and push myself harder. Track my points. I know it will pass, it usually does, and hopefully writing this helps with that.

Thanks for listening.

NSV = WINNING!

Despite a less than stellar weigh-in this morning (which I expected because my intake has been less than stellar) I’m having an awesome day.

Took the trip to order my bridesmaid dress for my best friend’s wedding this fall and I don’t get too hung up on sizes because (1) I have an ample chest and usually have to order up, (2) I know formal wear is usually sized smaller than regular clothes. So I started with a 16 figuring that I would need it for my chest if nothing else. And it was too big. The 14, however, fit PERFECTLY. Which is awesome because it will still need to be altered before the wedding, but ordering the smaller size to start with means less alteration will be needed. Sweet.

Also, coworkers have said I look thinner. WIN.

While I love the Tumbeasts, and appreciate the humor, I wish Tumblr would spend less money on cute ‘sorry we’re not working’ graphics and more money fixing the problems.

For serious.