Change is in the air…

There’s something about spring. About the sense of renewal and the fresh start. Not quite as refreshing as the turn of the calendar, but a time for new things nonetheless (just like fall and the start of a new school year, even when you’re not in school. Or maybe that’s just me…). The winds of change have rustled up some things in me and I’m ready to make some moves and let some things go.

Vague-blogging much? Yeah, I guess, kinda. Sorry for that. Eventually I’ll spill all (because I know myself), but for now I’m keeping it close. The road to your best life can be scary and full of challenges, and there are things that I’m finally ready to face head on and wade through to get to the other side. Seems to be going around, a lot of my circle is feeling some kind of restlessness with the status quo and trying to figure out how to get what they really want, so I’m in good company.

No need for anyone to worry. Things are good and going to get even better.

Still stressed at work. Volume is crazy and we’re understaffed. What else is new? Help is on the way and we’re managing. Job security. I still like it even when it’s rough going. Running is still great. Getting to peak week for the Pittsburgh Marathon. I’m rejecting a full two-week taper, but am happy to have my last long-long run with friends this weekend. Frantically trying to finish my Continuing Education course before my rapidly approaching recertification deadline. I will get there. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and soon I’ll be able to focus more on writing and other things during these early morning hours (and maybe I’ll even get to sleep in occasionally…hahaha).

Things are good and going to get even better.

Happy weekend, friends. Until next time.


When I was looking up race times for my last post I encountered the photos from last year’s First Day 5k. I shared them on social media on Tuesday, but there was far more to say than I could fit in an Instagram caption. I had a LOT of feelings when I first saw the pics and compared them to the ones from this year.

Not all of them good. My first reaction was admittedly not ‘wow’ and feelings of pride in how far I’ve come. I don’t remember being that big, for one, I was surprised when I saw the pictures. But I do remember how unhappy I was–not so much in or with my body, but just in general. I’m definitely someone who eats their feelings so periods of my life where I’m heavier are generally periods where I am struggling to deal. I was also just running races for the sake of running races at that point. I had fallen out of love with running and it would be another 6 months or so before I started to love it again. The second thought was still not ‘wow’, but more disbelief. ‘Sure, I look good in comparison, but…’ was my reaction as I was very much still spinning my wheels about the progress frustration I’d discussed the Focus entry. Yeah, I look good in comparison, but I’m still not where I think I should be. And that’s very much the headspace I was in when I posted it on Tuesday. I didn’t post it right away, and I was a little uncomfortable when I did. The nag at the back of my head wasn’t ready for compliments and way to go’s, her response was ‘yeah, but…’ and I think that’s what came through in the caption. Still, a part of me knew that I needed to put it out there, so I did.

Today the universe forced my hand–I woke up with pink eye and had to call off of work. Not what I wanted at all, my workaholic side was pretty pissed in fact, and if working from home was an option I would have been doing so today. Which is why the universe forced my hand and made me take a break. I did stuff around the house, went to the doc and the pharmacy (obviously), and I’ll be getting my Insanity workout in because I’m fine besides my eyeball, but I also took a nap and took advantage of the unexpected down time to try on some old clothes. Like I said in my Focus post–I feel tighter and leaner despite the scale and so I needed to see if there was any progress that I could actually see for myself. I didn’t have my hopes up, I wasn’t expecting much of anything, and maybe that’s why I got a pleasant surprise. Most of the things that I haven’t been able to wear for a couple of years were still tight the last time I tried them on. But today way more of them fit than I expected. Not everything, but a lot of things. And I was kind of floored by it.

I wore these shorts on my first date with my now husband. Pretty sure that was the last time I wore them. I’m still about 10 pounds heavier than I was then so I couldn’t believe that they fit. Husband pointed out that I’ve put on a lot of muscle since then. And it finally clicked. My composition is shifting, so I’m heavier but smaller all at the same time. Duh. Still a work in progress–I’m by no means where I want to be, I’m still chasing my optimal racing ‘weight’, though I realized that I need to focus less on the scale and more on other means of measurement as it’s going to be skewed at this point. It also means that in order to progress I need to really tweak my diet because I’m closer to my ‘goal weight’ than I previously believed so I have to strike a more careful balance.

But more important to me in this moment is that for the first time in months I can see progress, and I feel really good about it. (And really disappointed it’s January and too cold to wear most of my reclaimed clothes…)

Happy weekend, friends.

What do I need to learn?

Friday check-in: this morning-writing thing is working for me. The post-work workouts work great when I have something concrete scheduled. So some tweaking is still needed there. I’m totally off my routine this weekend as I spending it with my parents, husband, and friends for a much needed escape.

Listened to another great podcast the other day–School of Greatness with Lewis Howes–as he was interviewing Stacey London (of What Not to Wear fame) and it was interesting and thought provoking as always. One comment in particular has really resonated with me–

“We teach what we need to learn.”

She heard that from a Tai Chi teacher at a time in her life when she needed to hear it. How powerful is that? Its not the superficial stuff, we’re not talking the facts and figures, but the deeper stuff. In her case it was teaching self-esteem, self-confidence, and the deeper things that come along with showing people a different side of themselves by styling them differently. But it’s true for all of us. It’s been rattling around my head for the past few days as I’ve tried to come up with what it is that I’m teaching that I need to learn, and honestly I’m not sure yet. The thought will be rattling around with my until I come to some kind of conclusion, and I’m sure when I do figure something out it will be time to reconsider. Whatever comes of it, I’ll keep you posted.