Tag: training

On being an athlete…

Okay. Hard post to write, but lots to process, so here goes…

I really, really struggle with seeing myself as an athlete. I was a fat kid and have struggled with my weight and body most of my life. Even since I fell in love with running it hasn’t been easy, in fact it has complicated it even more in some ways. I’ll have spells where I’m good with myself and don’t give it a second thought, but ultimately I still see myself as a fat girl. By and large I’m to a point where I can say that I don’t care and mean it–I’ll run around the city in my sports bra because I don’t really care what other people think. If they don’t like my body they don’t have to look. They certainly can’t say anything to me that I haven’t said to myself a hundred times already that day.

This is one of the beliefs that holds me back the most, and it’s not something I can ignore, try as I might. A hundred times in a hundred different ways I’m confronted with the dissonance between my self-perception and reality. I reach for sizes or order race shirts that are too big because I can’t get it through my thick skull that I’m not as big as I used to be. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or see a picture and am caught off guard because it doesn’t match my usual self-critique. I frequently comment to my BRF that anyone who doesn’t know me wouldn’t think by looking at me that I work out at all, let alone as much and as hard as I do. He of course rolls his eyes and tells me (gently, of course) that I’m an idiot and to get over myself.

It is this very thing that smacked a little bit of reality into me a week or so ago. We have some new hires at work, and management does a little introduction game early on so they get to know us. The ice-breaker this round was Truth and a Lie. We had to present a truth and a lie about ourselves and see if they could guess which was which, without knowing us at all. So, armed with the belief that I don’t “look” like a runner, I said I was training for a 50-miler and have 2 dogs, sure they’d call the 50-miler the lie. They did not. Three people who have never seen me before and met me only moments earlier believed out the gate that I’m training for a 50-mile race. What the what?

So I’ve been wrestling with this demon for the past couple of weeks, trying to get my head around the fact my self-perception is so messed up. I know this is one of the things that holds me back as an athlete. I write myself off all the time, if only in my head, as being ‘pretty good for a fat girl’ or ‘kinda fast for a fat girl.’ But here I am training to run these crazy stupid distances and the unbelievable thing is the distances and why anyone would do that in the first place, NOT that *I* am doing it.

I’m working harder on shifting my self-perception to athlete. If people I don’t know from Adam can believe I’m an athlete, why shouldn’t I? I can honestly say that my keto-experiment (which I also need to update you on, but that’s another post) is coming from a pure place of athletic experimentation and not just an attempt to lose weight. I am LOVING this training cycle. I guess I just need to put it out there and be real about the ongoing struggle. One step forwards, two steps back. The little dance called life.

More soon, friends.

Training Recap–week 10

Damn. 10 weeks into this training cycle. Last week didn’t go as smoothly but was still a solid training week, miles in the bank, and inching closer to my goals.

Monday–rest day. 10/10, would do again. So thankful for my rest days this cycle.

Tuesday–Kettlebell and warmup mile. Pushed pace a little on my mile, foam rolled–something I’m trying to tie to my warmup mile habit to ensure I do it with some kind of regularity. Class was then some crazy bullshit (in a good way, of course) and I pushed heavy since my partner was back. Realized that I want to really work on squatting deeper with heavier weights–might need to go a little lighter until I get my form perfected to do it, but I think it will be worth the concentrated effort.

Wednesday–Speedwork, easy miles + pickups. Kept it on the treadmill, it was cold and I find it easy to do speedwork on the treadmill in the winter. 3 Easy miles at 12 (also my recovery pace for intervals), followed by 6 rounds of 1 min hard, 2 min easy. Hard pace was 8:34. That first minute is always a little bit of a shock to me, but after that I relax into it and trust my body to keep up. Thankful for the short bursts–not sure how long I could hold that pace, but I can do anything for a minute.

Thursday–5 miles easy Stairs at the Cathedral of Learning. Knowing that I got a little bored and frustrated with my last training cycle, coach told me at the outset that if I wanted to throw in stairs this go round–Thursdays were my best workout to swap out, and this week I finally took advantage of it. I LOVE doing the stairs at the Cathedral of Learning. 5x up the 34 flights in just about an hour (ever so slightly over). I really wanted 6, but I slowed down so much in my last round that I knew it would probably be a bad idea to go again. Next time…

Friday–Kettlebell and warmup mile. Got to run my warmup outside, followed by foam rolling. Another awesome class. Really digging the variety in the workouts and the warmups and cool downs. I know I’m getting a really good quality stretch session in at least once a week.

Saturday–22 miles easy 17 miles. Had some major GI distress during the run that just continued to get worse, so I cut it short instead of suffering even more. Really struggled with the decision, because I’m stubborn about hitting my numbers, but friends talked me down and ultimately I knew it was best to give my body time to sort itself out. (Definitely the right move, as I crashed HARD when I got home, didn’t sleep, but didn’t move much, which is abnormal for me even after a long run.)

Sunday–12 miles easy 5 miles. Felt a lot better so I headed out to run 12-14 with my friends. Body still wasn’t 100% though and had GI discomfort early so I called it at 5. Felt significantly better than Saturday though and was productive with the rest of my day. Hoping that I kicked whatever it was/is that is wreaking havoc.

Cutback week this week, so hopefully that will give my body adequate time and rest to recover from whatever the hell happened over the weekend. More soon, friends.

Training Recap–Week 8

Last week was a cutback week. I used to hate them, but with the training volume lately I’ve grown to appreciate them. Much like my Monday rest days, I see their value, and my body very much needs the rest. You build strength when you’re recovering/sleeping/resting.

Monday–rest day

Tuesday–kettlebell with a very solid warm up mile. One big long form circuit that we repeated for the entire class. Good times.

Wednesday–speed workout on the treadmill. Went well. Love the feeling when I relax into the speed and it doesn’t feel terrible.

Thursday–easy miles. Went with two of my friends to the Pro Bike +Run run at North Park and had one of the best Thursday runs I’ve had in a long time. Not sure if I was better rested from being off work and having the cutback week (though the workouts leading up to this were basically the same as always) or if it was having company, but it was a really great run.

Friday–kettlebell with warmup mile. Got to warm up outside! yay! Great class with Mindy. I wish I could learn to trust myself with box jumps the way I do with speed on the treadmill. I can’t get out of my head enough to go for the higher boxes, even though I *know* I can jump high enough to clear it. *sigh* I’ll get there.

Saturday–used the Spring Thaw race as a training run with a medal. Only needed 10 miles. Ran them with my friend Lara and we had a blast–pushed pace for an easy run, though not racing either. Got to crew for BRF who was doing the full 20 miles, and make sure he was fed and hydrated appropriately at mile 15. Next to running, CREWing is one of my favorite things–even when I’m waiting outside in the cold…

Sunday–weather was supposed to be iffy, but I had 10 miles and did NOT want to run it on the treadmill. Most of my crew needed 4 recovery miles, Adrian needed 6. So I got (almost) 4 in early by myself, then met up with the rest of them to trek through the city before the wind came to sweep it away. It just started to pick up after Adrian and I got back to the garage. Excellent timing, but we also got to enjoy terrific temperatures (especially for February) and some blue sky over our city.

Picking up the mileage again this week. Love it so much. More soon, friends.

Training Recap-week 7

Last week was less emotional, still a little stressful, but it seems like work might be calming down some, and that will be really nice. Still battling my own demons, but had some really great workouts and that always helps.

Monday–Rest Day

Tuesday–Kettlebell and warmup mile. Solid warmup mile, then some crazy Sean circuits including at 600+ pound prowler push. I did it! Only once, because honestly there was always a wait for it and I didn’t want to have the down time in my workout. So I worked with the slightly lighter one, but knowing that I can (and did!) push the heavier one was the highlight of my day.

Wednesday–Tempo Run. The intervals felt tough tonight. I was thankful for Netflix to distract me.

Thursday–Easy run. Took advantage of primo weather and ran outside around Oakmont. Thursday runs are usually on the slower side for me, I’m usually by myself and I’m tired so I don’t push much, I just go by feel.

Friday–Kettlebell and warmup mile. Pushed pace on my warmup mile. Excellent class with Mindy. Her classes are sleepers–they never look that bad on paper but leave you questioning your life choices. Fun circuits with things I like and things that I haven’t done much or at all. Highlight–learning to double snatch!

Saturday–Easy run. Switched my ‘recovery’ mileage to Saturday as I was working an OT shift and had to miss the group run. Didn’t get it done until the late evening on the treadmill, but I did it. Treated it as an easy paced progression run starting at a 5.0 on the treadmill and bumping the pace up each mile.

Sunday–Long run. Ran with Adrian and D for the first 15 of my 18. Love love love running through the city. Ran all the way up Liberty hill without stopping, and all the way up the hill to the 31st street bridge! Kinda fell apart once I split from my friends, but got the miles done. Longest run in over a year. Feels really good to be getting these numbers back. This run put me over 100 miles for February so far, so gotta love that.

Cutback this week, and my body is ready for a little bit of a break. More soon, friends.

Tired

The feeling of the week is tired. We’re behind at work, so that means OT. We can use the money, but I do have hard limits–I can’t start earlier due to both their timing restrictions and the nature of my job, and I won’t stay late because that’s when I work out and my training is too important to me. So I work through my lunch break. Damn I never realized how much I need that time away from my desk to re-charge. I’ve been skipping it for that precious OT–not just because we could use the money (my racing habit and new house are not cheap) but also because I want to help out, I’m in management and if I want others to pony up then I feel like I should be doing it too. It’s starting to take its toll on me. I rearranged my weekend runs so I could take the Saturday shift they are offering (again, good showing for management to be there, even though one of my leads is able to come in) and I know that I’m seldom able to come if offered in the future because of races and whatnot. Mentally, though, I’m drained. Hopefully this weekend (and the bank holiday on Monday) will go a long way towards getting us caught up and giving me a reprieve.

I’m not whining or complaining. I’m not playing the martyr. I’m making a conscious decision to work the OT. I could say no. I could take my lunch break (and pretty soon, I probably will). I’m choosing it because the extra income would be nice right now and we don’t have OT offered all that often. Just like I make the conscious decision to train hard, and I make the conscious decision to get up early to write and study. I own that these are my choices and in effect, I’m doing this all to myself. I just need to find some way to recharge. I’m thankful for my workouts because they’ve taken care of the stress element–I’m VERY glad to go run or throw around kettlebells after my shift. I’m also very glad that I’m coming up on a cutback week (what? did *I* just say that?) because I think a little bit of rest will be good for my body (even though I feel good and it’s going well).

I’m hanging in there. I’m tired, but I’m hanging in. All things are temporary, I’ll get through this. I get a little extra sleep tomorrow morning, I get to run with friends on Sunday (thank goodness, I *really* didn’t want to do all 18 miles alone). It will all work out. Staying the course for now and taking the small victories and moments where I can. Thanks for listening to my rambles.

More soon friends. Happy weekend.

Training Recap–week 6

Training is my happy place these days. Not every workout is perfect, but it’s the part of my life that is going smoothly. I’m so glad to be back doing what I really love.

Monday–REST DAY. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate my rest days this time around? I really appreciate them. I love the grind, but my body is so ready for the rest. I don’t hurt or ache really, but I’m definitely fatigued.

Tuesday–got to run my warmup mile outside for a change thanks to a break in the weather. Class was a killer–got tricked into using the black bell (26kg) for 4 rounds of an intense circuit, and lived to tell the tale. It was ugly, but I did it.

Wednesday–speedwork. It was nice out, but I turned to the treadmill. Had a really lousy day and wanted to make sure I would hit my paces (which I’m really sure I would not have outside). I’m glad I did, this was a really solid run.

Thursday–easy miles. It was NOT nice out, it was pouring rain. I had a rough week and so I ran outside anyway. It was really good for me. Cut it a mile short because my stomach was bothering me, but while I was out there it felt good. Didn’t feel as cleansing as I’d hoped, but I felt very strong for being the crazy out there running in the rain.

Friday–solid warmup mile and my last KB class with Kristi. Killer deck of cards workout, gonna miss those. Very thankful that I can work with the trainer that is taking over on Fridays–all of the trainers are excellent but not all of them are good for my personal efforts.

Saturday–long run. Half Marathon Kickoff training run. THIS is one of my favorite runs. Can’t really explain it, but I seriously love this day as much as I hate the Marathon Kickoff. Got there early and did my extra miles so I could finish it off with my friends. BRF paced the 11:30s which I did a decent job keeping up with (avg. pace was a little slower for me but no biggie). And I ran all the way up Forbes without stopping! I’ve never done that, and I had no idea that Saturday was going to be the day. Hopefully I can pull that off during the marathon. 16 very solid miles. Loving that my average pace is improving without me trying that hard on my long runs.

Sunday–met up with my friends again for my recovery run. I’m so thankful for my RunCrew. I know that I would’ve struggled with this run if I’d been alone (I was in a rough place mentally/emotionally going in), but instead I enjoyed it.

That about sums up last week. Resting today then back to the grind. More soon.

Training Week 5 Recap

Last week was another solid training week. First off, I am loving my rest days this cycle. I love the hard work of training, but my body is happy to have a day off to recover after 5-6 days of grinding. I did skip my Tuesday class last week (*sad*) because my hamstrings were tight and it was affecting my knees, and I wanted to be able to get my runs in. Class, from past experience, could have helped or made it worse, so I erred on the side of caution.

Wednesday and Thursday Pittsburgh was thrown into the Polar Vortex, so I got up and did my Wednesday run on the treadmill before work. Knee was doing better after some quality time with Orange Spiky (my favorite and most terrifying roller) the previous day. I ran fasted and it went remarkably well. I’ve not had much success running fasted in the past, and I wouldn’t do it running outside, at least not without a little more experimenting. But an occasional treadmill run is worth experimenting with.

Thursday I did my 5 on the treadmill again after work, then realized I only needed 1/2 a mile to hit 130 miles for the month, so you know I went back to the treadmill and ran another half mile. 130 miles in the month of January. Unreal. Loving this ultra journey. Solid run, nothing remarkable except my cumulative mileage.

Kettlebell and warmup mile on Friday. Very nice warmup mile, and really solid class. Even bumped up weight in the last round of the circuit. I felt really strong.

Saturday was my longest run in over a year. I’m really struggling with the Saturday group runs with all the stopping and starting and breaking up the mileage, so I wanted to do this as close to unbroken as I could. I ran with BRF and another friend out at North Park–not my favorite place to run, but I wasn’t alone and I didn’t have to keep stopping. The run went really well. I was strong and pretty consistent. Did start getting fatigued near the end, but held it together well. Spent some QT with the BRF after the run, grabbing lunch and checking out the new Pro Bike + Run location (heavy emphasis on the Bike…). Pittsburgh was thawing out, but not when I was running-temp was between 9 and 12 when we got started.

Sunday, I got up at the crack of dawn to run with some friends. 10 solid miles in the city. 33 degree starting temps felt like a heatwave after the rest of the week. Felt really good during most of the run, though fatigue started to catch me near the end. Definitely felt more sore after the run (and some quality couch time with my cat) so I’m glad I have a rest day. Need to work on more solid recovery practices–this has always been my weakness.

I am LOVING this ultra journey. Loving. The high mileage makes me so ridiculously happy. I feel good going into each run, and for the most part I’m recovering well and quickly.

Training Recap: Week 4

This was a really really solid week of training. I hit every work out. Three of four runs were outside, which is always a good week in my life. Pro Bike + Run group run on Wednesday was great–warmer weather than we’ve had with a slightly different route. I crushed (most of) the hills. Saturday’s run was in cold and blowy snow, so it was slow going but I got it done. Flew solo due to a commitment in the morning, though the group run was cancelled anyway. Flopped my mileage so I could run my longer miles with people on Sunday. Explored a new to me rail trail and it was great! So happy to have somewhere else to run closer to home.

I’m trying to be mindful of my weights in KB classes and choose bells that are still challenging, even though I’m running a lot. 1) I want to be stronger. That happens when you challenge yourself. 2) Ultras are made on tired legs. If I’m going into my runs a little sore and/or fatigued it will only prepare me for the challenge that lies ahead of me. (That said, there is a huge difference between being a little sore and fatigued and being really sore and fatigued…keeping my schedule as is and keeping an eye on who is filling in so I don’t completely wreck my runs…)

I’m over 100 miles for the month already, and I still have a few more runs left. I LOVE this! I’ve grown to really appreciate my rest day, and when I tried a runstreak it did not end well for me. But I feel like a streak of 100+ mile months is something fun to shoot for, and will be easy this year.

I’m recovering really well from the runs/workouts. Fatigued and ready for my rest day? Definitely. Sore? Not too much. I might be done by the end of a run, but the next day I usually am ready to go back out. Distance really is my happy place. I feel really good and I think I’m built for this ultra-life. Bigger mileage starting this weekend and I’m kinda pumped to see how it plays out. I have my long run distances mapped out through my first ultra for the year, so I’ve started to see when I can schedule races around them to make it more interesting. I also need to start comparing them to the scheduled group runs to see how I can get the extra miles I’ll need.

So another successful week in the books. More soon, friends.

Better late than never…

So I missed blogging last week. Still working on my time management efforts-I’m trying out some tweaks to my schedule so hopefully that will see me posting on a more regular basis. It was also kind of a rough week for me, and even though I know the importance of writing during the rough times I still avoid it. I guess in a way that’s why I backed off it so much last year.

This is a post I really should have written about a 1000 times last year, honestly, but I’m finally doing it. And I’m coming from a better perspective on it, but it’s something I keep coming back to. In reflecting on last year I’ve had to work very hard (too hard) to see how far I’ve come and to take pride in what I did accomplish, because when I look at the list of goals I set for myself I was only able to scratch off one of my running goals. I missed the mark on everything else. And that’s difficult for someone like me to accept. It shouldn’t be. It should come with the territory–I like big, scary goals. If it doesn’t scare you at least a little, then you’re not thinking big enough. So reason would have it that I’m going to miss the mark sometimes if I’m shooting big. And the progress I made was pretty awesome–if I didn’t go for broke aiming for things that scared me I wouldn’t have come as far as I did. So it amazes me, realizing all of these things, that the feelings of failure still hit me so hard, and that’s a lot of what I was struggling with last week. Always my own worst critic. For the most part, I’ve been able to take a step back and realize that I have a choice: I either go big and chase scary things and risk missing the mark, or I play it safe, hit the target every time, but never really find out what I’m capable of. Is that really even a choice? Go big. Risk it and find out. Maybe I’ll miss, but I’ll be closer than I was if I didn’t try. That said, I’m sure that this isn’t the last time it will come up for me, so I’ll take it as it comes.

Distance doesn’t scare me in the same way. I’ve always said I’m built for distance, not for speed. It feels like coming home. And I worried at first that I wasn’t going big enough because I wasn’t scared. It hit me though. There is definitely fear there. I’m pushing for things bigger than I’ve said publicly (I’ve shared them with a close few, including my coach, but I want to keep some things to myself for the time being), and honestly, Burning River scares me. It didn’t until I pulled the trigger on registration, but holy smokes once I did…BOOM. I joke that if BRF could do it (and PR no less) a month and a half after hernia surgery, that I can definitely do it…but for as much as he hates it, he’s a better trail runner than I am. Most of the people I know who have done it are better trail runners, and while I know there is a significant amount of road in the front half it still scares me that I might go out there and not make the time cut off. But I’m registered. And I’m going to train my ass off and put it all out there and see what happens.

Another weekend of training. I’ll get caught up on my training recaps on Monday. I promise. Have a good weekend, friends.

Coming home…

I’ve always liked back-to-back races. I’ve always said that I didn’t really like running until I discovered distance. And coming back to distance seriously feels like coming home. I don’t have to be fast, I just have to *go* and I’m good at that. Wednesday night as I was finishing my tempo run on the treadmill, I was on my 5th straight day of running and I felt really good. I said to my coach–maybe I’m built for this ultra-life. Last night, I did my miles outside and it was definitely slow and slogging (for me) but I was still happy. My legs felt great.

I’m just starting this training cycle, and I’m only a couple weeks into this new schedule, but man–running more feels like coming home. I fell in love with running when I trained for my first half marathon (Pittsburgh, 2011). Once I learned ultras were a thing–before I even ran my first full marathon–I knew that I wanted to do that. My mind latched onto 50 miles, and while I’ve delayed it for awhile, I’m ready to tackle it now.

I know I’m in the honeymoon phase–that this isn’t always going to be fun or feel easy, but it still feels like it’s what I was meant to be doing it. I want to make the most of it all and get as fit and strong as possible. I want to soak it all in.

More soon…