It’s been a very rough week. There is a lot going on in my world–though not to me personally. Things that aren’t my stories to share, so I won’t, but it’s bordering on too much as it compounds all at once. I’m okay, though, I’m hanging on, and hoping the weekend will bring some resolution.
Workout game is strong–I’ve needed the release. Last night I ran in the rain. I wanted to. I looked forward to it even. It wasn’t as cleansing as I’d hoped, I didn’t come out of it feeling clean and renewed with my worries washed away. I came out of it feeling strong. It was dark (I got a later start than I’d wanted/planned), I’m lit up with my headlamp and noxgear vest. And I have the streets/sidewalks basically to myself. I know the passing cars think I’m crazy for being out, I got splashed a few times, the wind pelted me as I ran across the bridge–but I kept going. I didn’t stop. Nothing could take me down. It was warm enough that the rain felt good and I was in a remarkably good place while I was out there. I needed that.
My anxiety is messing with me some–I care too much. I internalize things. Its how I’m wired. And while I work to control how I respond to things, I honestly wouldn’t change the fact that I feel deeply. I would rather learn to deal with the negative feelings because it means that I also get to experience the good things. I would rather give until it hurts than pretend I don’t care at all. Tough times are temporary, I’m holding out hope that things will get worked out how they are supposed to. All I can do is my best, battle the anxiety with facts (because it is spinning some LIES right now), and manage my self-care so I have something to give to the people who need me.
Sorry for the rambles. It’s what I got today. More soon, friends.