I ran across some old pictures over the weekend…
Left: Cleveland Half Marathon Right: Just A Short Run Half Marathon
May 2012 ; time: 3:25:27 March 2013 ; time: 2:32:08
Less than a year. I’m a completely different person. Even my posture is different. I truly am an athlete now. (Though I love that pink and yellow are consistently my race colors. LOL) I’ve very closely guarded the pics from Cleveland last year. I was horrified when I saw them. Disgusted. Ashamed. But running across them, especially this weekend after that ridiculous PR put a LOT into perspective for me. I started to think about how much I’ve changed, how much I’ve grown as a person. Yes, I’ve changed physically, but I feel like the physical changes are manifestations of me finding myself, being honest with myself, going after what I really want, challenging myself and doing things that scare me. I tend to get very caught up in the physical. I always have. Old habits, old tendencies, old thought patterns die hard and I’ve been trapped in the funhouse mirror for a very long time. But that’s starting to change. I had a moment yesterday, where I was deeply disappointed with the race and my performance. I felt it wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t good enough. I should’ve pushed harder. The cramps were a lame excuse, I should’ve pushed through. I couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly feeling that way, because it did come on suddenly. Then I realized–I hadn’t had enough to eat that day. I hadn’t yet eaten dinner. And my calories were a little low the day before as well. So I ate dinner, messed with my calories in MFP, raising my net so I HAVE to eat more. Consciously realizing that restricting my calories not only makes me crazy, but makes me intensely dislike myself–put things into perspective. Who lives like that? Not me. Not anymore. There was a time I would’ve. The girl in picture on the left would’ve. The girl in the picture on the left DID. The woman in the picture on the right refuses to. Eff that. I’m a ROCKSTAR. Would I have finished the race faster if my uterus hadn’t been trying to claw its way out? Probably. But I still exceeded my own expectations. I was expecting a 2:40ish finish. I killed that–despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain. I am an ATHLETE. I persevered and I KICKED ASS.