Author: mrsartis

Class went well and totally kicked my ass (in the best possible way). I loved it and look forward to going again next week. 🙂

And I’m very glad that I ended up starting with the class at the community center instead of at the Dojo, as I’m pretty sure that class would have actually killed me. I’ll give one a shot later this month and see how it goes.

However, I think my original plan was a little ambitious. If I’m hurting tomorrow I will allow myself to take a rest day, and do my run on Thursday. We’ll see how I feel. 🙂

I’m exhausted, though, for sure, and will be headed to bed very shortly after Loser Tuesday wraps up.

Getting ready to head out for Kick & Strength.

Nervious-I’m going alone, I’m unfamiliar with the rec center, and I haven’t taken a group class in years. But I’m also wicked excited.

Tell you all about it when I get home.

PS-The new Jillian Michaels podcast is out and it’s AWESOME!

unintended snow day.

After spending a half an hour cleaning off my car with my neighbor I got to the end of the block and couldn’t keep my windshield clear. So I called my boss and said “sorry.” Which he was cool with.

So…no run for me today. (Though whilst my neighbor and I were working on my car I saw a runner go by and thought ‘what a badass!’ I am definitely not that hardcore.)

That’s okay as there is much housework to be done. Guess I’ll just be doing a double dose of cardio tomorrow (2 miles AND Kick & strength class!)

Having a rough time. This tends to happen to me when I’m losing weight–I hit a point where people start noticing and I start noticing and that’s when I start to get self-conscious and negative about myself.

I’m not typically negative about or toward myself. I stopped that years ago–it isn’t helpful, it isn’t productive, so I stopped. I had enough of that self-hatred when I was a teenager. I’m done with that. I don’t insult myself as a general rule, not even in my head–I’ll stop any negativity because it just doesn’t help anything. But for the past few days–even as I’m running for an hour and a half, even as I’m having to ask for a smaller size at the dress shop, even as coworkers are telling me I look thinner–I can’t seem to stop the voices in my head saying ‘yeah right.’ I don’t verbalize it because I don’t like playing into that game with people, I try very hard not to take the bait when others start those conversations. But in my own head I’m responding ‘not enough’ when someone comments on my weight loss. I feel much more self-conscious now than I did when I was bigger. And it frustrates me because I’m better than this.

It’s like I wrote the other day about realizing and accepting that I am a runner. I’m still hesitant to talk about it with people who I know run, or people I know are athletes. I’m still scared of getting that look. Maybe it’s because I don’t see how much I’ve lost (except in small ways) but rather how far I have to go. And I don’t want to be that girl who doesn’t talk about anything but her weight, diet & exercise. Which is why I started this Tumblr…so I’d have a place to talk about it without boring the rest of the people in my life to tears.

The only thing I can do is continue on. Channel this negativity into my workouts and push myself harder. Track my points. I know it will pass, it usually does, and hopefully writing this helps with that.

Thanks for listening.

While I love the Tumbeasts, and appreciate the humor, I wish Tumblr would spend less money on cute ‘sorry we’re not working’ graphics and more money fixing the problems.

For serious.