Obstacle races. People have been trying to talk me into them for awhile. But honestly, I’m not into obstacles. Or mud. I don’t like being dirty. Sweaty is fine, dirty bothers me. And obstacles? I lack the upper body strength required for your basic pushing and pulling yourself up stuff. Cross training: I suck at it. I don’t like it, so I avoid it.
But the girls in my office are putting together a team for the Dirty Girl Mud Run 5k in Pittsburgh this summer…so I said, what the hell. I’ve got nothing to lose. It’s not about competing, it’s going to be a bonding experience with the girls at work. And it’s something that is outside my comfort zone, which means I absolutely should do it. Plus it raises funds for breast cancer research–how can I say no to that?
That said…my race schedule is already starting to intimidate me. It makes me nervous. I’ve never committed myself to my running like this. A big race here, a 5k there. But I’ve got 4 half marathons scheduled and paid for already. What the hell am I thinking? Then I remind myself that I’m only actually running one race at a time. I don’t have to get through all four at once. I need to get through my 10-mile race. Then a few weeks later my first half of the year. Then a month after that another half. And so on.
I’ve slacked with my training lately. The move threw me out of my rhythm. Time to get back at it–I’ve got big plans for the year. And time to step up the cross training. I know I need it not only so I don’t embarrass myself at the Dirty Girl, but because I’m hitting that point where it’s what will take me to the next level. I’m just over 10 lbs from my goal weight, so careful balance of training and diet are becoming necessary. Admittedly this week is going to be interesting as it is my birthday week so there will be drinks and eats out of the ordinary…but manageable. That’s life. I don’t have to be perfect.
Perfection. Something I’m struggling with. I got into size 8s this week. First time in my life. I’m not a totally consistent 8 yet, but there are more 8s in my closet than 10s at the moment, so I’ll take it. I’m just over 10 lbs from the number I set as my goal. And while PA doesn’t put weight on your driver’s license, I’m now well below what I always put down as my weight on my license (which I was never even close to before). And I still struggle with seeing myself as fat. One of my guy friends gets so irritated with me because I still call myself a fat cow when I’m having a particularly bad day. I post a pic on Facebook and get a ton of compliments. But when I look at it all I see are the things I’m not happy with. My love handles, big thighs, flabby arms, the bags under my eyes, etc. I was listening to some Jillian Michaels podcasts at work this morning and she was talking to one caller about how there’s always going to be something about your body you don’t like. About how she feels that way about her butt…it just looks like it doesn’t belong to her, that she works too hard to have that butt, etc. And I’m realizing that I have to just take it easy on myself and Let It Go. Doesn’t mean I can’t work on improving my body. And maybe I’ll get a little lower than the number I set in the process of training and working on my body. But I’m never going to be ‘perfect’. Odds are my stomach is never going to be completely flat, and that’s okay. I’ve been a fat girl for 30 years, there’s going to be some skin and lumps and things that I just have to deal with. Doesn’t mean I won’t look good and that I can’t feel good about my body. The hard part is going to be keeping this in mind when I look in the mirror every day.
