Author: mrsartis

I’m in the frustrating place where my clothes don’t fit–my ‘big’ clothes are getting too big, but I’m not back into my ‘skinny’ clothes yet. And even the stuff that still fits and I can still get away with doesn’t look great. If I could get by wearing just my running clothes I would be all set, but otherwise I’m going to have to break down and buy some transitional clothes soon. Not a bad problem, just an annoyance to spend the money–and thrifting on the weekends is not an easy task, I’d be better off if I could go during the week, but alas. The flip side is that I’m–and looking–more like myself. Even though I’ve been heavy for most of my life I’ve never felt like that was me or my body. When I close my eyes I see the person I am when I’m running–fit, strong, healthy, and every day, little by little, I’m getting myself back.

My long run on Monday was great. I managed to maintain my slightly longer intervals throughout. Still a LOT of work to do to make my goal in November, but I’m confident about it. I know I can do this. Beast Mode will get it done. LOVE my new hydration FlipBelt, but definitely should have taken an extra bottle or two with me. Only took one gel about halfway through. Getting the hang of fueling with a more minimal approach and it’s working for me. Currently I’m doing a 5 minute run/3 minute walk interval set, my goal is to be up to 8 minute run/2 minute walk by the end of this month. Making it public so I don’t back down–I really should’ve pushed myself to that already but I didn’t. No matter, ever forward.

So in Big Things…I signed up for the UPMC Health Plan Pittsburgh Half Marathon 2017 and the 5k the day before–known as the Steel Challenge. They’ve done the Challenge for a few years now, but I have never done it. It’s a risky maneuver, given that I plan to PR the half, but I’m a bling junkie, and I’m confident that I can run the 5k and not race it so I won’t blow myself out for the half the next day. Plenty of time to train (races aren’t until May), and having registered for it already will make sure that I do it–don’t wanna waste my money. This is especially key for the winter months when I’m hating treadmill life.

And on that note, time to get ready for work. Happy Wednesday!

I like my job, but I love me a three day weekend. Thoroughly enjoyed not setting an alarm, even though I’ve been up early every day. I ran hill sprints on Thursday, a solid 5k on Friday after work, another solid 5k on Saturday, and yesterday I didn’t run but did a yoga DVD and my ITB rehab/core/jump rope/squats routine. Yesterday might have been a mistake–I’m a little more sore than I’d like to be going into a long run, BUT…clearly I hit muscles in a different way than I do when I run, so I should still be fine. Pop an IB and get it done. 8 miles on tap for today, longest since the half in May and I’m looking forward to it. Got a new FlipBelt with water bottles, so I won’t be quite as limited to running locations, which is fun as I get to longer distances.

Finally hit the 20 pounds lost mark over the weekend as well. Obviously not in time for the ‘official’ weigh-in on Friday, but I’ve been sitting at the 18.5 mark for a couple weeks and it was making me nuts. Nice to have reassurance that pushing just a little harder was the right thing to do. I’m starting to look and feel like myself again, and I’m definitely getting more comfortable in my body, which is great. The more I push myself, the more I want to push myself, to see what I’m capable of.

My husband commented the other day what a difference running makes in me. The decline in my mood and personality had been gradual so neither of us really realized it until it was bad, or we chalked it up to other things. But the shift back to me being happy and emotionally stable has been much faster. Running balances me. I still have bad days, I’m human, but much fewer and farther between.

And on that note I’m going to start prepping for my long run. Happy Monday.

If you want something you’ve never had, you have to be willing to do something you’ve never done. -Thomas Jefferson

Same as last week scale-wise. But I’m not the same as last week. August was kind of a blah month for me, like I couldn’t get the hang of it. Progress had kinda stalled, but it wasn’t a plateau. I had to do some soul searching to admit I just wasn’t working as hard. I was working hard, yes, but I’m physically different than I was 4 years ago–I’m in better shape now, so the things that worked then won’t work, I have to push through this wall like it’s mile 20 of a marathon–dig deep, find that next level, and just do it. And I literally woke up yesterday morning with new fire and determination.  I *need* to shake up my running. It’s going well and I love it, but I’m not progressing as much as I want and need to to make my goal for November. So I’m working on trying some different things to help me push through the mental wall.

Last night, for the first time in my life, I ran hill sprints. Not the longest, not the steepest, but it was a place to start, and you know what–I didn’t hate it. It was kind of fun to do something different. And just like I decided that my short runs need to be 5k (unless there’s an obvious reason to cut it short, i.e. pain that shouldn’t be ignored) I’m deciding that my intervals have to be longer. I can do it, but I haven’t made myself do it. Is it hard? Sometimes yeah, but that’s a lame excuse. And with one less class at the gym I have no excuse to not focus on my running. That’s why I did it in the first place. And I will honor my commitments to myself.

September = Beast Mode. Time to get shit done and make shit happen. Progress and success are what I’m after.

(Edit: The picture is showing correctly in my preview, so I apologize if it’s still incorrect. Also…I apparently don’t know what week I’m on…Title has been corrected to reflect it is actually week 9)

I had a blog post written. I legitimately thought I was plateauing. Then I weighed myself and recorded it. I’m not. I’m down 1.5 pounds since vacation. And then yesterday this happened when I was getting ready for work:

 

An extra two inches in one of my favorite skirts. Floored. So yesterday is the last time I got to wear that skirt. It’s officially too big. (Size 12 navy blue eyelet with pockets…any takers?)

And this came on the heels of an eff-it day. Wednesday was ROUGH–it was nice out but I was too sore to run, I’ve been hungry ALL. THE. TIME. And the afternoon at work was annoying. So I came home and said eff-it. Dinner was a box of gluten-free mac and cheese and a big old glass of wine. And I had a mini-breakdown because I just felt like what I’m doing isn’t working anyway, so eff-it. And then I woke up and that happened.

And for the record, I’m not starving myself. I’m eating an adequate amount, but my body is adjusting to the higher activity so I probably need to bump my calories up a bit to compensate. I’m looking at all of that this weekend, I need to adjust my training plans too since my long runs are progressing faster than expected. So time for a change-up even though I’m not actually plateauing.

Yesterday was what I needed coming off the heels of my mini-breakdown on Wednesday. The skirt thing, I bumped up calories a bit for the day and didn’t want to chew my arm off, I had a solid run after work. I’m feeling good going into this weekend.

Back to routine this week–work, workout, eat, sleep, repeat. Erie was a great and much needed respite, had a couple of solid runs since I’ve been home, and vacation ended with a bang on Sunday night when we saw Nick Offerman and Megan Mullaly on their Summer of 69: No Apostrophe tour. Seriously hilarious stuff, and they are an adorable couple. Its obvious how genuine their love and affection for each other is. #relationshipgoals.

As much fun as I had, I’m glad to be back to some semblance of routine. I function so much better with a routine. Hopefully the break will jumpstart everything again for me, I’ve felt a little laggy lately in life. Workouts have been solid, today should be a rest day and body is saying ‘rest’ but my mind is saying ‘run’…so we’ll see. Might be a light workout kind of day–squats, ITB rehab and abs. Again, we’ll see.

Work has been good, but I’m looking forward to the weekend. I need to figure out some food options too, getting bored with the usual suspects and I think it might be time for a calorie bump because I feel like I’m always hungry these days. Husband is attempting a 50 mile race this weekend, so that should give me some down time to work on meal planning and setting up my September workouts and goals.

 

Vacation was awesome and much needed. Husband and I needed to get away and recharge. Erie is one of our favorite retreats and we had a blast. Visited our favorite wineries and discovered some more. Lots and lots of activity on Presque Isle–we ran, walked, biked, swam, jogged on the beach. Seriously, I rode a bike for the first time since I was a teenager, and while running is still my favorite thing, now I want a bike to tool around on some for active recovery. It was a great trip. Didn’t quite maintain, ended up going up a pound this week, which ultimately I think is largely dehydration–lots of wine, coffee, and Diet Coke, not nearly enough water. But no matter, it is what it is, time to get back to work.

Giving my body a bit of a respite, but looking forward to getting out there again to run this weekend and seeing what happens in the next week. Trying to ramp up the mileage for my races, ahead of schedule no less. I have races on the schedule (which has been updated) but I’m trying to decide about a few more and re-work my training some–what I had originally planned is too tame for where I’m at and what I’m striving for.

Couple more days of fun and relaxation before I head back to work–family all birthday dinner on Sunday and we’re going to see Megan Mullaly and Nick Offerman (swoon) on Sunday night as well. I’ll be super tired on Monday morning, but c’mon…NICK OFFERMAN. Totally worth it.

Happy weekend!

Super excited about vacation. Started with a 5k yesterday, one with bling for finishers–a rarity. Got to see a buddy that I haven’t seen in months and catch up. Flat course, which I usually don’t like (I’m awesome on downhills and can use them to my advantage) but I’ve been running a lot of flats lately so I’m improving on them. Got one of my best times this year (though still a LOT of work to do to get where I want to be running wise). I can honestly say this was the first race this year that I actually felt like a runner, I didn’t feel like an impostor at the start line. It’s all coming back to me and I feel like I’m coming back better than before. Previously my pace–the pace my body would naturally settle into–was always around 11:30 (min/mile). These days, when I’m running my body has been pushing more and more into the 10s. I might eventually slow into the 11s and 12s near the end of an interval (and definitely near the end of the run), but I’m consistently hitting 10s without trying or thinking about it, and it feels really good. It feels right and completely natural. So I’m going with it. I need to push more to lengthen my intervals, but I’m happy with where my pace is settling.

One cool thing about catching up with my buddy was pre-race pics–I’m not good at selfies (and I’m kind of a loner so I don’t think to ask someone to take a pic for me), so I don’t tend to bother with pics when I’m racing by myself. But my buddy and I always snap pics for each other.  If I doubted progress, I can’t anymore. The one on the right is from May, the one on the left from yesterday.

As with running–still a lot of work to do to get where I want to be, but significant progress in the right direction. I’m enjoying the process though. Especially the running. I have my zest for life back, I want to run all the time. I start getting antsy if I go more than 2 days without a run (even when I’m doing other workouts). The thing I’m looking most forward to this week of vacation is running a LOT. Most days of the week. And wine. Really looking forward to wine.

Finishing off with another pic–not one of my favorite pictures of me, but I LOVE that I have a race photo where I got air! Doesn’t happen often that photogs get me with both feet off the ground. (And I swear I don’t heel strike, my foot flattens before I land):

Happy Monday, friends. May or may not post on Wednesday–we’ll be vacationing so we’ll see how the week is going and if I feel like doing it. Back for Friday’s check-in though. Goal for the week is to maintain, if I manage to lose awesome.

Missed posting an update last week–I was headed to Ohio straight after work so the morning was a blur of last minute packing and preparations before getting out the door to work. Didn’t even realize that I didn’t post until I was halfway to work. Oops. But anyway–I was down a pound last week, and I’m down another pound and a half this week. So 17 total so far. My husband is starting to see it now, which is nice. I don’t expect it because it’s gradual and he sees me most everyday, but he commented last night. I can tell in some of my clothes–my jeans fit better straight from the dryer than they have in ages. Won’t lie–my body image is still skewed and I tend to focus more on how far to reach the end goal, but I’m making good progress.

Enough about the numbers and technicalities…running is getting better. I haven’t progressed my intervals really, but I’m pushing much harder during them. I try to stay down in the 10 minute paces as much as possible during my run intervals, so at least when I want them to be over so I can recover I know I’ve worked. I could run longer if I backed off the gas a little, but go big or go home. I’ve been working on running underfueled as well–its counterintuitive, but it’s difficult for me to get my fueling right when I’m coming off a 10 hour workday, and I’m finally getting to the point I can push through when I’m underfueled and make it through my run instead of bonking. I ran sore, in wicked heat, underfueled on Wednesday and it was incredible. I wanted to repeat last night but drew the line at running in rain and potential T-storms.

August race on Sunday, Gold Jacket Hall of Fame 5k. With a sweet ass medal. Hopefully meeting up with a buddy I haven’t seen in months as well. Really looking forward to that. Vacation kicks off after work today with a kettlebell class. Because working out is part of my vacation plans–because I like to do it. I want to do it. The thought of going to Erie and NOT running at Presque Isle is just crazy talk to me. Thinking we might rent bikes one afternoon as well, which will be interesting as I have not ridden since I was a teenager.

Happy weekend!

Wasn’t planning on taking a mini-hiatus (at least not til next week, more on that in a minute) but life happens that way sometimes. I was headed to Ohio after work last weekend so Friday morning was a blur and hustle of last minute preparations and flying out the door. I was stuck in traffic on the way to work before I even realized I hadn’t written a post. *shrugs* So you’ll get a double check-in on Friday, because hey, might as well do it all at once.

Weekend was good, went to a baby shower for a dear friend (reason for the trip in the first place) and spent a lot of time with my family. Ran both days, had breakfast with my KAKE girls (my besties since junior high). Lost my ID and insurance card sometime on Sunday morning before I came back. Meh, not happy about that, but it is what it is.

Monday I ended up calling off of work so I could go to the doctor. Nothing critical it turns out, I’ve been having some skin issues (that I had chalked up to an eczema flare up) but it was spreading on my arms and I was getting concerned it might be something else. But no. Bad eczema flare up. Got a prescription for stronger cream, which so far seems to be helping. Husband was off for most of Monday (had to go in Monday night) so we spent the day together–got in a run, went to lunch, and Old Navy. It was a good and much needed respite, especially since we haven’t seen each other much.

Which brings me to today. Debating  a run after work since last night’s class was a great (though unexpected) change of pace (different trainer), and didn’t kill my legs. Three more days at work until vacation. Race this weekend and meeting up with a buddy I haven’t seen in months (literally since May). Heading to Erie for a good chunk of next week–cannot WAIT for some time in Wine Country. So posting might be hit or miss. I plan to update on Friday, probably Monday, and next Friday. I don’t think next Wednesday is in the cards, but who knows. We’ll see what happens.

I’ve always been a runner. Long before I ever laced up shoes or signed up for a race I could imagine myself doing it. I could picture myself running through streets of a non-descript city. And I had many false starts in my college years. I’d do a Couch to 5k (C25k) program for a couple weeks and then fizzle out on it. But in my head I wanted to be a runner. Then one day, a person I was friends with online mentioned she was starting C25k again and I thought, why not? And I stuck with it. And I signed up for a race. And it was a huge accomplishment. I wasn’t in love with running yet, but I liked it and I was doing it. And then this person said she was going to run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon and suggested I think about doing it too. So I did. And it was in training for that race that I really started to love running. I’ve never been fast, but I’ve also never cared.  I like the discipline of it. I like the scenery (though I do NOT like trail running, and yes I’ve tried it). I love the comradery at races. I love the gear, and the expos, and the bling. Still I was an on and off runner. I’d race enough, and run enough that I could get through races, but I didn’t give myself over to it completely. Until I split with my ex, and moved. Then I started running. I lived with runners. The first friend I made on my own outside of a pre-existing social circle was a runner. I gave myself over to it completely and it gave me the life I’d envisioned, the body I wanted, the confidence I could never seem to find. Everything made sense, I felt invincible. I started dating again. I got a promotion at work. I ran a ton of half marathons and my first full marathon. I met the love of my life. Then about a month after my first marathon I foolishly decided I was ready for a second.  During the race I started having issues with my IT Band that would continue to plague me. They sidelined me for a bit while I tried to manage on my own. I never completely quit running, but I definitely slowed down. My work life started to fall apart–I was never really trained in my new role and while I was competent enough to escape notice most of the time, my requests for guidance were frequently ignored and I grew frustrated. And I continued doing marathons, barely managing my IT issues and not training nearly enough. I moved in with my boyfriend and nearly tripled my commute time. We got engaged and then married. I started taking kettlebell classes, which I really liked (and still do) but I never loved the way I used to love running. But I didn’t love running anymore, or at least I didn’t think I did. Each race was worst than the last. I was miserable at work, I was gaining weight, running sucked for me and I couldn’t imagine getting back out there like I used to. I was grasping at straws, and honestly, in hindsight, making excuses. I can’t because of X, it sucks because of Y. But they were all just excuses. When I would vent to my friend I was urged to ‘go run’. I blew it off. I respected the input, where it was coming from, and it was a dose of my own brand of tough love (If you’re not going to try to fix it then you don’t get to complain), but I wasn’t ready. I just wasn’t there yet. Month after month a conversation would end with ‘go run’ and ‘yeah, yeah, I know’.

 

Until one day it sunk in.

 

And that night I did a mile on our god-awful treadmill. Because something had to give, and I finally realized that something had to be me. Running had always been there, and it was always the answer–but I had pushed it away. Somewhere along the way it got lost. I didn’t realize how important it was to me and for me. I took it for granted. I stopped giving myself over to it completely and letting it work it’s magic inside me. Where it had been what I looked forward to and what would get me through a tough day, it became one more thing on the to-do list to check off, or more often, to not get to at all. And in pushing it away, I lost myself. I was happy enough–newly married to a man I adore, soon after I changed jobs and started with a new company in a role I’m actually good at and comfortable in–but still something was missing. And that something was running. Because, as it turns out, running isn’t just something I do. It’s a part of who I am. It polishes the edges, refines things, it brings me clarity and peace, it calms me down. For me, everything is better when I run. When I give myself over to the run–when I let it and myself just be whatever they will–good things come from it. That first mile back (though I’d been participating in races consistently all year) wasn’t magic in and of itself. It felt terrible. I was on a treadmill, forcing myself through a run in desperation, and it felt forced and awful. But I also felt a little bit better when it was over. And I ran again that weekend, both days. Just a couple of miles to start, but it was something. And I started to feel like I was coming back to myself. They weren’t easy–I’m rusty, out of shape, heavier than I like–but they were mine and in that time I just ran as much as I could, walked when I had to, and got through them. And I felt better for it. Very quickly its become the thing I look forward to again. My new job has stresses of its own, but knowing that I can run them out at the end of the day makes it all manageable. I have goals again, real ones, big ones. Things that will be difficult to accomplish but aren’t impossible if I work hard enough.

 

And it feels so good to have goals again. It feels good to work hard and be disciplined.

 

Reflecting back on it, I wonder how my life would have been different if I had started running sooner. If I’d taken it up in high school, maybe I wouldn’t have been as miserable. Maybe if my attempts to start in college had stuck I would have made different decisions. I don’t look back with regret, just curiosity about the alternative timeline and how it would have played out. But no matter, I’m just glad I have it now.