I’ve been struggling lately. It’s been a rough week. Weather was lousy–like stormy lousy–most of the week so running outside was a no-go, I had a day or two where everything just kind of fell apart. Like everything in my life that could go wrong, did go wrong, all at once, like it does.
It’s getting better. The high point–though it is something I’m struggling with, and I’ll get to that–was running 5k with my friend yesterday. He took some time off of running after finishing his first full marathon. Like a month. He was nervous about starting again. So I pushed him into running 5k with me. And he totally kicked my ass. Totally. I knew he would, 5k is my nemesis. I can do 13.1. Hell, I can do 15. But 3.1 without the 10 mile warmup just messes with me. I struggle.
I’m typically tough when I’m running with my friends. Especially the guys. I don’t tap out first, I keep running through pain, I don’t show weakness, and whenever possible I chick them pace-wise. Yesterday I kept stopping to walk. It was 5k, and I just couldn’t do it. It’s mental, it really is. There is no physical reason I can’t do it. Yes, I was stitching and cramping, but I’ve run through that before. And oddly, I’m not upset about it. I’m frustrated by it, but I’m not upset. I was good and pissed when I had to cut a 15-miler short at 10 (with this same friend) because my hips were killing me, I beat myself up over that for a solid day before I could move on, but somehow this bothers me less.
Still, I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve been trying to process why this distance is so tough for me. I accept that part of it is that I’m better suited for distance, I prefer it. I’d rather be out for 3 hours than 30 minutes. It takes me a solid 3-4 miles to get into my groove most of the time, and so, somewhat obviously, a 5k doesn’t give me that time to mentally get into the zone. So there’s part of it. Another piece is that because I like longer runs I tell myself I hate the short ones, so I’m going into it with a less than stellar attitude because it’s not what I *want* to be doing. I know this is something I struggle with and I call it my nemesis (I did it earlier in this post). I put myself in a negative space before I even get out there.
My friend also pointed out that I kill myself on hills. Which I do, but not in the way he thinks. Yes I did tend to walk after hills, but less because I had killed myself on them and worn myself out and more that mentally I was just done. He says I won’t make it through the marathon (he’s thinking PGH next year more than CBUS this fall) if I don’t go easier on the hills. I don’t think he’s totally wrong, but I don’t think he’s totally right, either. I get through hills by putting my head down (literally, looking up just enough to make sure I don’t run into someone or something) and plowing through it to the top. I can’t focus on the top or I’ll look at the grade and psych myself out. So I put my head down and plow through it, to be rewarded with glorious downhills when I get to the top. I also have the rule that if I walk, I walk downhill. You don’t get better at running hills by walking them, so if I’m going to walk I can’t walk up.
I have other thoughts, but they are for another post another day. I think I’m going to focus on not psyching myself out for the 5k distance. Just think of it as any other run and not get hung up on it being “short” and see what happens.