Last Friday was the Liberty Mile. The race I’ve been training for. The race that started this quest a year ago when my friend challenged me to beat his time. I’ve worked my ass off. I’ve lost sleep over this, cried over this, stressed over this…and it’s all over…sort of.
Did I hit my goal time? Nope. Not even close. But I did come in 59 seconds faster than last year, going sub-9 for my mile time. Another month and I think I could’ve done it, but time was not on my side. And I’m really–remarkably–okay with that. I’m really proud of my race and my time. I worked really hard to get there, I didn’t give up, I didn’t back off and I didn’t quit. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it’s mine and I earned it.
I never expected that wanting to get faster would be the emotional journey that it has been. I mean, it’s far from over. I’m just scratching the surface, but this has challenged everything I thought I knew about myself. I’ve been forced to confront my fears and insecurities and push through them–everything I want is on the other side, and the only way out is through. I’ve discovered that as much as I love a good long run with my friends, I also really love a hard workout at the track by myself (#ILikeAwfulThings). Somehow, in working so hard and focusing so much, I’ve learned to not take it so seriously–it’s just running. I’m not a professional athlete. This is FUN. I do it because I love it and I want to–I don’t HAVE to. That just because I’m not there YET doesn’t mean that I can’t or won’t get there.
I’m not one to give away my power. I did the work. I earned these accomplishments, they are mine. But I didn’t get here by myself. I would not have gone for this if my my BRF hadn’t challenged me. I have hated him for it at times when the emotional work was getting the best of me (as unexpected emotional work is wont to do), but ultimately I am so, so thankful that he pushed me. He’s also been one of my biggest cheerleaders through the process. I wouldn’t be where I am without him. And my other big thank you is to my coach Sara for challenging me and helping me progress, for pacing me, for working with me and shifting my workouts when my crazy starts to take over, and for talking me through my frustrations and growing pains. I’m so excited for what we’ve already accomplished and can’t wait for the other big things on the horizon.
More soon, friends, it’s another big running weekend and my journey is far from over. We’re just getting started.