Okay…so I kind of disappeared for a year. Except I didn’t, not really. I was always here, just not writing, for…a LOT of reasons. 2020 was a messed up year for so many of us, and even though one of the things I really need to do to process and cope with life is to write, I found myself pushing away from it. Just couldn’t make myself do it. Plus this blog is primarily about running and while running was great for a lot of people in 2020, for me it SUCKED. I didn’t get to do my goal race–the race happened, but in the midst of a pandemic I was not comfortable going through with it. Pretty much all racing was nixed, and for most of the year running with people in general was not a good idea. I did manage my highest mileage month ever–200 miles. Solo. I’m really proud of that because it was really, REALLY hard and I fought for every mile, but I got it done. I did manage an in person race on Thanksgiving–home town Turkey Trot made mad modifications so they could happen and it was nice to have that little bit of tradition.
I struggle with vulnerability and being open. Largely, I am an introvert and I keep my feelings to myself and those I trust. While writing is my preferred medium for expressing big feelings–I struggle with putting them out into the world. This blog is mostly running–which definitely brings up a LOT of big feelings–and since running sucked, I felt I had nothing external to really report on. There is only so much “same shit, different day” that I can manage to put myself through recounting, let alone others through reading. In addition, I’ve had a lot of HUGE life things come up in the past year and a half that I haven’t talked about publicly. And maybe I would have handled some things better if I’d opened up about them. We’ll never know, I guess, but I know that going forward this is something I can work on. This blog is about running, but the intent behind “Emme Runs With It” is that I run with *whatever* life throws at me…and life has given me a hell of a lot, and I *am* running with it and making the best of it.
This post is a little vague, I guess, but there will be more clarity as the year goes on. I just needed to get something out there. I needed to write something, anything, to push past the fear that’s been holding me back. That’s what 2021 is about–moving forward, pushing through, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. And that is what I’m doing.
Here’s to a better 2021. Mask up. Social distance. And I’ll “talk” to you soon.