In last Friday’s post I vaguely alluded to changes taking place in my life. I’m still not ready to share too much, maybe I’ll never share the details, though I suspect that I’ll open up more as I progress through this particular journey. The truth is that I’ve decided to go back to counseling to tackle some long (long) held issues. I haven’t been in years. And in the past when I’ve gone I’ve been very good at dancing around the actual issues so I wouldn’t have to *deal* with anything. It’s to the point I can no longer handle the dissonance in my own brain and I need to figure it out and work through it instead of around it.
It’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, making that first phone call and admitting my truth. My first appointment was this past Monday (which is what prompted last Friday’s post) and I felt like I was talking a mile a minute during the intake “interview” trying to lay it all out there before I lost my nerve. I’ve been keeping a running list of things to talk about in future appointments so I won’t get sidetracked by non-issues. I want to do the work, even though it terrifies me.
My next appointment isn’t for another week, she’s out of the office this week. I’m getting antsy for it. In starting to deal with it, I’m realizing just how pervasive it is in my life, how many different facets are affected by it. It’s kind of amazing what happens when you stop running from something and start facing it. I’m terrified, but excited to see what’s on the other side of this.
Sorry I’m still being kind of vague, but eventually I will open up more. It’s still new and raw and I’m not sure what to do with it. Please know that I’m basically fine though. No need for concern, though prayers and good vibes are always appreciated.
Have a great weekend, friends. More soon…