Better late than never…

So I missed blogging last week. Still working on my time management efforts-I’m trying out some tweaks to my schedule so hopefully that will see me posting on a more regular basis. It was also kind of a rough week for me, and even though I know the importance of writing during the rough times I still avoid it. I guess in a way that’s why I backed off it so much last year.

This is a post I really should have written about a 1000 times last year, honestly, but I’m finally doing it. And I’m coming from a better perspective on it, but it’s something I keep coming back to. In reflecting on last year I’ve had to work very hard (too hard) to see how far I’ve come and to take pride in what I did accomplish, because when I look at the list of goals I set for myself I was only able to scratch off one of my running goals. I missed the mark on everything else. And that’s difficult for someone like me to accept. It shouldn’t be. It should come with the territory–I like big, scary goals. If it doesn’t scare you at least a little, then you’re not thinking big enough. So reason would have it that I’m going to miss the mark sometimes if I’m shooting big. And the progress I made was pretty awesome–if I didn’t go for broke aiming for things that scared me I wouldn’t have come as far as I did. So it amazes me, realizing all of these things, that the feelings of failure still hit me so hard, and that’s a lot of what I was struggling with last week. Always my own worst critic. For the most part, I’ve been able to take a step back and realize that I have a choice: I either go big and chase scary things and risk missing the mark, or I play it safe, hit the target every time, but never really find out what I’m capable of. Is that really even a choice? Go big. Risk it and find out. Maybe I’ll miss, but I’ll be closer than I was if I didn’t try. That said, I’m sure that this isn’t the last time it will come up for me, so I’ll take it as it comes.

Distance doesn’t scare me in the same way. I’ve always said I’m built for distance, not for speed. It feels like coming home. And I worried at first that I wasn’t going big enough because I wasn’t scared. It hit me though. There is definitely fear there. I’m pushing for things bigger than I’ve said publicly (I’ve shared them with a close few, including my coach, but I want to keep some things to myself for the time being), and honestly, Burning River scares me. It didn’t until I pulled the trigger on registration, but holy smokes once I did…BOOM. I joke that if BRF could do it (and PR no less) a month and a half after hernia surgery, that I can definitely do it…but for as much as he hates it, he’s a better trail runner than I am. Most of the people I know who have done it are better trail runners, and while I know there is a significant amount of road in the front half it still scares me that I might go out there and not make the time cut off. But I’m registered. And I’m going to train my ass off and put it all out there and see what happens.

Another weekend of training. I’ll get caught up on my training recaps on Monday. I promise. Have a good weekend, friends.

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